Are you happy with your current social circle? Or do you struggle to make new friends? Do you feel lonely? Or are you surrounded with company and love?
I’ll be the first to admit, making new friends can be quite the challenge. For much of my life I struggled with making new friends. It wasn’t until my family was transferred from Texas to China that I finally discovered how to create the connections I’ve always dreamed of. It takes hard work but you can turn your social life around.
One study suggests that throughout a lifetime you will have close to 400 friends with nearly 40 at every given time. Making the ability to make new friends a must. Having moved around the world I’d like share some tips that have helped me make new friends.
Just Say Hello
One of the quickest ways to make new friends is to say hello. Say hi to that stranger in the park. Ask the person in line how her day has been. Simply saying hello is conversation starter and may lead to further connection. While traveling back from Chicago recently, I said hello to a Japanese guy sitting next to me and we ended having a three hour conversation about world travel. You never know where a little hello may lead you.
Ask About Them
When you meet someone new you are often tempted to talk about yourself. DON’T. Instead ask questions about the person you just met. Obviously it’s important not to interrogate but feel free to ask simple questions that may spark further conversation. It’s surprising at how much people enjoy talking about themselves. Ask away!
Listen
Everybody likes a person who can listen. I don’t mean someone who listens half way, I mean someone who really listens. Listening is one of the most underrated skills in my opinion, because far too many people underestimate the importance of it. Sit back and listen, and offer your say when you see an appropriate opening.
Show Up
Those who struggle making new friends are usually the one’s who stay home and complain about their lack of a social life. Creating a social circle in which you enjoy takes work. It’s not just going to show up on your doorstep. Making new friends takes effort. Go to a public park. Take a trip to the movies. Go out with your current friends. The more you show up, the better chances you have of making new friends simple as that.
Network Online
In this day and age it’s very easy to make strong connections online. A few years ago, making friends online wasn’t seen as positively as it is today, so take advantage of the tools you have. Whether it be by Twitter, Facebook, or Foursqaure, there’s an abundance of social media sites that can help you make new friends. Once you establish an online relationship it’s easy to take it to the real world by meeting up at a public place or connecting further on the phone.
Do Remarkable Work
It’s no secret that those who do remarkable work are the ones with the greatest social circle. This isn’t to say you have to be a billionaire to make good friends, but if you do amazing things people are eventually going to notice. When you work your but off day in and day out it’s only a matter of time before a social circle comes to support you. By sharing your gifts with the world you open yourself up to many potential relationships that will only enhance the work you do.
Give Value
As with doing remarkable work, it’s important that you give value to those you come in contact with. No one enjoys someone who only mooches off of them. Make sure you go into any potential relationship with the idea that you’re there to benefit off of each-other, rather than living on a one way street. Offer your hand of support and be there whenever needed.
Drink Coffee
I admit a bit misleading. You don’t actually have to drink coffee instead I’m talking about going to a coffee shop. Most coffee shops tend to be a place of lively energy which has many people who are looking to connect. Sometimes I’ll go to a coffee shop and just sit there having small talk with whoever looks willing. I’ve met a handful of people from opening up over a small cup of coffee and I know you can too.
Don’t Complain
One of the quickest ways to NOT make friends is to complain. It’s safe to say that complaining is a huge turn off for many, yet so many continue to do it on a regular basis. Instead of complaining focus on the positives and you’ll be surprised at how more attractive you become. Would you want to be friends with someone who complains 24/7? I’d bet against it.
Join A Club
Joining a club is an easy, yet powerful way to meet people who share similar interests. Joining a club puts you in a perfect situation to make new friends in an environment that isn’t overwhelming. Enjoy doing yoga? Find a studio that you can go two twice a week? Want to become a better public speaker? Join Toastmasters in an area near you. Don’t overlook the possibilities of joining a club for an interest you enjoy.
Smile
If you walk around with your head down you’re making it very difficult for new connections to come your way. Instead make a habit to walk with your head high and a smile where ever you go. I happen to smile quite often and as a result many people return the favor. It’s very rewarding to know that you put a smile on someone’s face. A smile says you’re friendly and who doesn’t like that?
Drop Your Shield
Open up. Choose to connect at a deep and meaningful level. Leave the fluff at home. Don’t pretend you’re someone you’re not. The fact that you’re human makes you imperfect and that’s something to embrace. Some of the deepest relationships I’ve had came after I revealed who I really was. It may be scary to open up fully but your relationships will be rewarded.
Believe You’re Worthy
One of the biggest road blocks for creating great relationships is the false belief that you’re not worthy to have them. I’m here to tell you that you are. Simply believing you’re worthy and capable of the relationships you deserve invites them to form. More often than not, you get out of life what you expect. Go into each relationship with the belief that you benefit the other person and vice versa. Your relationships will change dramatically.
While some of these are simple don’t underestimate the power they posses. I hope you can use them to take your current relationships to the next level and hopefully make a few great friends along the way. After all everyone could use an extra friend. 